It seems the times you don’t feel like going to church for prayer are exactly the times you need to go to church for prayer.
Tonight was prayer meeting and boy did I need it. Recently I have been really struggling. The last two weeks have been really hard for me. Physically I have been exhausted ( I blame part of it on my 8 month old waking me up 2-3 times a night to eat and part of it I blame on myself for going out this weekend till one in the morning singing karaoke with some friends). Emotionally I have felt very drained, and mentally I have felt overloaded, and at times I felt very much alone. These past couple of weeks I have been battling my wrong thoughts that I can feel pulling me down to depression. I know all the right things and yet it is hard to keep those right thoughts present. To remind myself that I am not alone, I am not abandoned. Life is not too much (though it might feel that way at times). I am loved. God is good, and I am blessed.
Tonight was a great victory in the battle for my spiritual well being and my relationship with God. But as always prayer is the answer as well as praying with God’s people. As I spent time praising God for who He is, confessing sin, and praying for needs has brought me from darkness into light.
So, what does John Newton have to do with any of this? Derick in prayer meeting tonight also shared John Newton’s testimony. It was a blessing. If you get a chance please read the link above. It will encourage your heart. However, the part that touched me more was the idea that John Newton didn’t want to be known for anything else than the lowly slave trader he was who was saved by God’s grace. When he was offered an honorary doctorate from Princeton University he turned it down stating, ” The dreary coast of Africa was the university to which the Lord was pleased to send me, and I dare not acknowledge a relation to any other.” He didn’t want to be remembered for his writings or ministry, but only as a sinner saved by grace.
I realized as I was sitting there that most of my struggles were out of my own selfishness. That I was struggling because of things I believed I was not getting that I deserved, but the truth is I am only a sinner saved by grace.